


A Fumbling Play for Your Heart

by FixOrRideDaily



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Catholic Girl and Jewish Boy, Christmas, F/M, First Dates, New Year's Eve, Step-sibling AU, Trans Chris (Until Dawn), Until Dawn Secret Santa 2017, We all have our vices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 01:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13113363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FixOrRideDaily/pseuds/FixOrRideDaily
Summary: Sometimes what you think is the epic ending is actually just the next beginning.*Written for Until Dawn Secret Santa* Merry Christmas IEatBooksForTea





	A Fumbling Play for Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IEatBooksForTea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IEatBooksForTea/gifts).



“I love you.” “I love you, too.” Cue the epic kiss. Happily Ever After. Credits roll.

Ashley hadn’t been surprised when Chris came up to her at the Washingtons’ Christmas party. She had however been a little taken aback when he placed a hand on her bare skin. She’d worn a sleeveless green plaid dress snug on all sides up to her neck with tights and boots, both black, leaving her shoulders, where he’d grabbed her, somewhat exposed. His hand was large and heavy and warm and rough and she probably would’ve agreed with anything he said in that moment. He looked nice even though, unlike the rest of their guy friends, he’d worn black jeans rather than slacks despite as a family affair this party was a bit fancy. His dark red sweater over his pale blue button up was more appropriate but with the sleeves of both pushed above his elbows he still looked more relaxed. It showed off his arms too. Everything about Chris was large and a good portion of him was also hairy including his arms. He was a mature looking guy.

“Hey, I found you!”

“I wasn't hiding.” She giggled.

“Can I talk to you alone?” His face and ears matched his sweater and she wasn’t sure if that was from embarrassment, alcohol (because he and Josh had definitely been drinking) or the heat caused by the many people in the house. He asked it in a low voice trying not to speak too loud making it deepen as well.

She looked back at Sam and Hannah, whom she’d been talking with, as if asking if she could leave. They were smiling suggestively, looking from each other to the two of them. Ashley figured that meant they wouldn’t mind. She turned to Chris, smiling down at her with a slightly dopey but charming smile. He laughed a little. Yep, he’d been drinking alright.

“Sure.”

“Great.” If she was surprised by the hand on her shoulder, she was downright shocked when he trailed it down her bare arm to grab hold of her hand and pull her away with him. Patches of her skin turned bumpy right after his hand had graced over it. She looked back at the other two girls to confirm it had actually happened. Their mouths were open slightly with excited smiles. As they were both overly romantic by nature though, it was hard for Ashley to judge if this was actually a more than friendly action on Chris’ part. A slight tug from him called her attention back.

He led her through the crowd keeping his hold on her tight and walking quickly as if he was in a hurry or maybe he was nervous because he didn’t look back at her. She bumped into one or two people as they made their way to… wherever he was dragging her off to. She had almost forgotten there were places not crowded to the point of being suffocating until the two came out into one. He looked around and she realized he didn’t actually know where he was going. What the hell was going on?

“Chris?” He looked at her again and she saw he looked unsure for a second before he smiled. Then he looked around again and having made a decision was off once more bringing her with him. His palm was sweaty which did diminish by a fraction how nice holding his hand was. Mostly though she was content to go as far as he wanted if it meant he would be holding onto her the whole way there.

Finally they ended up near the back of the stairs next to the door that led down to Josh’s private lounge (also known as the cover for his weed garden). It felt like someone had given her a lovely gift then snatched it away just when she was starting to believe it was really for her. He was just bringing her to hang out (or rather get drunk or high) with him and Josh.

“I really don’t want to do this here but I have no idea where else to take you,” he said as he led her down into Josh’s ‘lair.’ He sounded a little disappointed as he took her inside. The room was empty except for them. So, no Josh?

“Chris, what’s going on?” she asked as he let go of her hand to close the door into the basement room. She missed it already even though her hand was now uncomfortably hot.

He awkwardly and nervously made his way back over to her reaching into his pocket as he did. He held a small dark green cloth bag that fit in his hand easy. He breathed in then out very deeply. He was close enough to smell his breath. Rum and eggnog and that weirdly both masculine and feminine scent that was unique to Chris.

“Listen if this is totally lame, just know that Josh pushed me into going through with it,” he said holding the bag out to her.

“Promise it's not coal?”

“Eh. Might be. Depends if you’ve been a naughty girl?”

She felt a hundred degrees hotter after he said that. He coughed once his mind processed the teasing, flirty tone he’d used, “But you’re a sweetheart so I don't think Santa would bring you something bad.”

“Oh, so you're Santa now?” she said dramatically trying to accept his attempt to move on. Although she was also stalling. She was nervous about opening the bag.

“Maybe. I mean I’d call my laugh jolly though not sure my belly shakes like jelly when I do laugh,” He shrugged, “Either way I brought a gift for the best girl here.”

That made her heart a little light. It was a small bag so it couldn’t be much but he still had a gift for her. This wasn’t that kind of party so it was thoughtful of him. She gently took it out since it must have been small therefore probably delicate. She dumped it into her hand with care.

It was a tiny twig with leaves and buds of some kind. He was watching her expectantly but underneath that his face was more suited for someone treading a minefield. She stared at it for a few seconds turning it over in her hand as she did before she understood what it was.

It was mistletoe.

She looked at him trying to figure out what this was supposed to mean. If this was one of his jokes she didn't get it.

Suddenly her whole body tensed up and she almost crushed it when the most obvious possibility hit her. Was- was Chris asking to kiss her? It was such a silly way to ask which means it was just like him which made it so terribly romantic she could explode. That was if that was what he was trying to do but why else would he do this? Taking her away somewhere private to give her a sprig of mistletoe couldn’t have too many interpretations.

“So, uh,” he finally said after a short moment of silence then stretching out the words slowly finished with, “Do you get it?”

“I think so, yeah.” She answered looking away from him, waiting to fall out of bed and hit the floor, ending this wonderful dream.

“Well then,” He stepped into her personal space. He was so very tall, his chin was just about even with her forehead. She tilted her head back to look at him. “Can I?”

She felt herself barely nodding almost terrified to say anything out loud. A smile spread across her face right as he grabbed her tiny hands, completely engulfing them in his (still sweaty) much bigger ones. He leaned down toward her with his eyes already closed. She closed her own eyes and her toes pushed up on instinct. Then something she’d wanted and hoped for and fantasized about happened.

Chris kissed Ashley.

Happily Ever After. Credits roll.

\---

Ashley stared at her open dresser drawers, still in her pj's even though it was almost mid-afternoon, wondering if it was her imagination or if every piece of clothing she owned actually was this bland and unattractive. She had nicer stuff in her closet but that was overdoing it, right? She’d never be able to explain why she was wearing something clearly meant for special occasions to study with him. Unless she could convince Chris she’d swapped personalities with Emily. He might believe her or at least he’d go along with it. Though he would still know she had dressed up. He’d still know she had gotten dressed up to do schoolwork with him.

Her other option was to wear something that was in her dresser. He had already seen her in everything she owned though. Well, not everything. He hadn’t seen her in her underclothes. Yet? Electricity shot through her body. Was that a yet? She shyly found herself hoping so. However it was way too soon to be thinking about that stuff. They hadn’t even gone out on their first date. Actually he hadn’t brought up going out yet. He was going to take her on a date eventually though. They were dating now.

They _were_ dating now, right?

He had certainly looked like he’d enjoyed their first kiss and their second which immediately followed their first and the five or so after that before Josh finally found them down there kissing in the dim light. He’d smiled like a devil and said, “I can’t believe you actually did that lame ass mistletoe thing. Although it looks like you were right about one thing. Sure seems like she loved it.” He’d raised his eyebrows suggestively and added, “Hi Ash.”

Chris wasn’t that kind of guy. He wouldn’t have kept kissing her if it didn’t mean something to him. So it must have meant something and that something was he liked her and now they were dating. Or they were on the cusp of dating at least. The point was this was the beginning of their new _romantic_ relationship.

Unfortunately clearing that up in her mind had not changed her current problem. She knew she was being an absolute idiot. There was no reason for her to worry about what clothes Chris was about to see her in. It wasn’t going to have any kind of impact going forward. They weren’t even going out anywhere as friends or a couple. This didn’t matter.

Except it felt like it did. Ashley really wanted to impress him. She wanted Chris to think she looked… Good? Cute? Sexy? Well, she wanted him to think she looked something other than ordinary, boring Ashley. She didn’t want him to see her today and change his mind which was so stupid because he literally saw her almost every day and these were the clothes she wore all the time therefore the ones he saw her in all the time and he’d still kissed her so clearly he already liked the way she dressed.

However she closed her drawers and found herself wandering down the hall and into her older sister’s room. Natasha was always taking her stuff and sometimes she never returned it. Ashley could take something of hers this one time.

\---

Chris had been standing outside her door for five, maybe ten minutes. He was already twenty minutes late to Ashley’s place to begin with and now he was just loitering. She was going to discover him there eventually. He had to knock or he had to cancel. He couldn’t cancel though. How would that look? ‘Hey Ashley, thanks for making out with me the other night, I’m just going to avoid you now.’

This was not what it was supposed to be like.

Chris had been planning that little mistletoe stunt since right after Halloween. Sure, Josh had laughed at him and said it was a pussy, manipulative way of getting her to a kiss him rather than him actually having to man up and do it but he didn’t see it that way. It was a way for him to ask her if she wanted to kiss him before he did it. He didn’t want to assume she wanted to kiss him. He wanted to be sure and he knew a girl like Ashley would appreciate something like that (which Josh did concede was probably true).

He was supposed to kiss her, she would blush and smile (maybe she’d swoon a little bit if he was lucky) then they’d be together and everything would be great.

However there were expectations now. Expectations that were scarier than he had thought they'd be.

For example he had to kiss her ‘hello’ when she answered the door for him, right? Was she expecting him to kiss her? Was he allowed to just kiss her like that? Would she be more upset if he kissed her and she didn’t want him to or if he didn’t kiss her and she had wanted him to? No, he had to kiss her. There was no way around that. That’s what boyfriends did and he was Ashley’s boyfriend.

That thought dropped an unexpected, massive amount of weight onto his head and shoulders as if some kind of reality was just hitting him. He was someone’s boyfriend. No, he was her boyfriend. He was Ashley’s boyfriend. 

She wanted him to kiss her. 

It felt absolutely amazing. This was why knights slayed dragons to save their princesses. How could they not when they probably felt exactly the way Chris did? He’d slay a dragon for Ashley. Or he’d try to. Knowing Ashley though she’d most likely rather keep it as a pet. Silly, imaginative, dreamy girl she was. And he was her boyfriend!

He banged far louder than he needed to on her door suddenly overcome with a strong desire to see her. To see his girlfriend! His girlfriend, Ashley! To see her little square face with her big toothy smile and her huge green eyes. He was bouncing on his feet the whole time he waited for her to open the door because he was going to kiss her. As soon as she opened the door for him he was going to kiss her.

He did too… right smack on her forehead.

Ashley squealed which Chris wasn’t sure was a good or bad thing. He held her by her biceps as she looked up at him, her arms stiff at her sides. He’d gotten too excited. He’d been barely aware of where she was when he did it because he’d lunged forward as soon he saw it was her. He released her from his far too tight grip and stepped back. She reached up and wiped the spot where he’d kissed her with her sleeve. He knew it was most likely because he’d gotten her wet with saliva during his incredibly suave greeting but it hurt his feelings all the same.

“Hey Ash,” he said and heard the embarrassed shutter in his voice when he did.

“Hi,” she was leaning on her door frame and not looking at him. She stood there and said nothing else. He looked her up and down slowly. Her jeans were tight. Not as in ‘they didn’t fit her’ tight but ‘intentionally designed to hug her curves’ tight. Her shirt was low cut, enough he could see a decent portion of her- She looked, well, not bad, not even a little bad. In fact truthfully he didn’t hate it. Not in the least.

He saw her turn red as she crossed her arms hard over her body and bit her lip. It took him a second to realize she was embarrassed. Embarrassed because he was standing there silently, blatantly checking her out.

“You look nice,” he said quick and loud. She flinched back.

“Thanks,” she said after she had settled back down pushing hair behind her ear. He loved it when she did that.

“So we should get to it,” he said trying to dispel the lingering tension, “Studying I mean. Obviously. What else would we do?”

“Oh yeah,” she agreed perking up and out of the awkwardness. She moved aside to let him in. He walked passed her making a point not to look at her for too long. He pulled off his jacket to hang it on the hooks by the door as she closed and locked it. When they were both done she gave him a strange look making him squirm. She shook her head as her face shifted to confusion. Was he supposed to have dressed up nice for her? After all she’d clearly done so for him.

“Chris, where is your stuff?” she asked.

“What?”

“Your backpack and laptop bag?” she asked again pointing at him this time.

“Fuck.” Had he actually driven all the way to her house without noticing he left his bags at home? He had been so focused on the fact that he was seeing Ashley for the first time after the party that he had all but forgotten why he was going to see Ashley. How was he supposed to work on his essay without his laptop? It was the whole reason they worked together. She helped him with English and History. He in turn helped her out with Math and Science. Their relationship was quite a symbiotic one. Hopefully more than just academically going forward. He blushed at that thought and momentarily forgot about his dilemma.

“Guess we’ll just have to focus on whatever you’ve got.” He shrugged.

“Don’t you have a big essay due?” she asked with genuine concern.

“Yeah, but it’s cool. I mean what choice do I have? All I can do is drive back home and get it and I was already late so...” He shrugged again. “I don’t want to waste more time.”

“You could use my computer,” she offered but it was very quiet and she played with her fingers.

“You have a desktop though,” Chris replied, his voice equally as quiet.

“So what?” she asked bringing her eyes in direct contact with his.

He swallowed hard. She knew exactly ‘so what.’ “It’s in your room.”

“It is, yeah.” Their eyes were still locked. Before today when their feelings were still unspoken that would not be a big deal. He’d been in her room lots of times and she’d been in his. With the revelation he liked her and she liked him though… There was something much more intense about her suggesting they hang out in there together. Chris couldn’t go into her bedroom with her while they were alone in her house. Not as her boyfriend. That meant something.

“I think it would be better if we just put it off for now,” he decided heading over to sit on her couch, trying to carry on as usual, “Unfortunately this also means that studying for our computer science exam is out. That’s a shame because after that last practice test you’ll need all the study time you can get in order to pass the midterm. Which is why you’re so lucky to have me around.”

“Hey,” she said playfully offended as she followed to sit with him, “You’re the one who convinced me to take that class for my science credit in the first place.”

He smiled shyly and finally admit, “That was because there was only one block so we were guaranteed to be in the same class if you enrolled.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked pulling her books from her bag onto her coffee table.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “And I needed someone to suck at it so I could feel better if I didn’t do well.”

Ashley shoved him further onto the couch, “You know that was almost sweet, you dork.”

“Well, would it make you happy to know it’s been unneeded thus far?”

“Depends,” she said crossing her arms again, “Is it because I’m doing well or because you turned out to be the best student in class?”

“Can’t it be both?” he asked shifting closer to her so he could see her books, “Though it is mostly the second one.”

“Gee, I sure am a lucky gal,” she said in a monotone, opening her math book, "Having a guy who appreciates me so much.”

She turned red at the same time he felt his face heat up. Other than his awful greeting that was the first acknowledgment they weren't just friends anymore. Fierce adrenaline pounded through his limbs. Screw stomach butterflies, Chris felt them in every part of his body. He hoped the look on Ashley’s face meant she did too. He shifted even closer so their legs were touching if only slightly. She looked over at him with her eyes bright and soft with desire. Feeling bold he took her cheek in hand to keep her looking his way and pressed his mouth to hers, giving her a proper kiss ‘hello.’

She hummed a little and kept her eyes closed a moment after he pulled away and slid his hand off. She swallowed and when she opened her eyes again they looked a little dazed. So far she’d looked a bit dizzy right after he kissed her every time he’d done so. It was quite an ego boost. She rolled her eyes away from him and over to her book after she saw him. He took a guess that smug feeling had found its way onto his face.

“So how are we doing our math work if you don’t have your worksheet?” she asked trying to keep her voice serious.

“We’ll work on the problems together and then you can give me the answers next time we meet up.”

She put her hand to her chest and gasped. “Christopher! Are you trying to copy off of my work?”

“Only in a technical sense,” he argued, “It’s not cheating off you if I helped you find the answers.”

“Fine,” she sighed straightening out her sheet so they could work together. Chris smiled as he bumped her shoulder with his.“Delinquent.”

Yeah, this was going to work.

\---

“Seriously?” Josh moaned as smoke leaked from his mouth and formed a cloud above his face. He lay across the couch with his feet up on the back and his head almost hanging off by the arm. Chris sat on the rug leaning against the armchair adjacent to his friend.

“What?” Chris asked, joint hanging from in between his fingers. He hadn’t done much actual smoking. He mostly came over to talk to Josh but Josh was getting high so he was getting high.

“She invited you into her room and you said ‘no.’ That’s what.” Josh took another drag right after he said it and blew up hard, “I was proud of you for making a move but now I'm back to disappointed.”

Chris rolled his eyes and fingered his joint. Of course he would’ve liked to take her up on it but he was afraid to be in a situation like that even if they would supposedly just be doing homework. Almost three years of sexual/romantic tension still hovered between them. They might have ended up unable to control themselves and do some things they really shouldn't be doing yet. Chris wanted to do things the right way! Fooling around this early in their relationship was not the right way.

“Josh, Ash and I are nowhere near ready to have sex.”

“Who said you had to have sex?”

“You literally just said it.” Chris tried to stop himself from laughing but the THC in his system made that hard.

“No, I said I was disappointed you didn’t go into her room.” Josh waved his joint at Chris. “Like what's the harm with a little heavy petting or some hand action?”

“Pretty sure we’re not there either.”

“Fine then, where are you?”

“I,” he paused, “I don’t really know.”

Josh looked at him like he’d grown a giant extra head. “Okay, I know dating isn’t really what you’re renowned for being an expert in but how do you not know?”

“I mean I guess we’re at kissing.” He burned red.

Josh quirked his eyebrow, “It’s been two weeks and you're still at kissing?”

“Well yeah,” Chris finally took an pull on his own joint, “Is that bad?”

“So you haven't even taken her out on a date?” Josh sat up straight, “I assumed you'd jump right on that magic first date bullshit.”

Chris shifted his legs up against his chest, “I’m gonna take her out.”

“When?”

“When I figure out where I want to take her.”

“Which is clearly not to bed.”

Chris blew his smoke up into the air to keep Josh’s company. Why would he take her to his bedroom? It was just another place they had already been together albeit for PG-13 rated activities at the most.

This was Chris’ problem. He wanted to take Ashley out. He adored the idea of taking her out. But they already went out together all the time. He couldn’t think of a single place he hadn't taken her. The arcade was lame and they really only went when they were in the area and bored. The same with the cinema. Most of the time they just watched movies or played video game at one of their houses anyway. Taking her out to dinner? Could he be more predictable? If there was one thing Ashley wasn’t it was predictable. Hence his attempt to be clever with their first kiss. A paint by numbers first date was the shortest route he could take right back into the friend zone. Besides that every restaurant in town within their budgets they had been to. Some multiple times over. They’d checked out most of the museums in town (or at least the ones featuring one their interests anyway). There was a winter dance coming up but he and Ashley had been designated dates for all formal school events for the last year and a half. They’d “joke” about ending up going to prom together. They had done the fair thing and the beach thing not that it was the right season for either. He’d taken her to the theatre for at least seven plays and four different concerts. He let her take him to open mic night at the local coffee shop every month. Hell, he’d driven her out to Rocket Fizz once to buy as much soda as they could handle for a long vacation weekend off from school (they had greatly over estimating that figure).

“It’s just.” Chris sighed pinching his joint out and pocketing it for later. “Anywhere and everywhere I could possibly want to take her, I’ve already taken her.”

Josh opened his mouth but Chris cut him off before he could say anything more. “Yeah, yeah I know except for the pleasure palace or some other ridiculous name for having sex. Ha ha, Josh.

Josh looked annoyed and finished his own joint. Chris took this opportunity to confess to him: “I just want it to be special. I want to do this the way you’re meant to do it.”

“You are such a little bitch.”

“Great then as you’re a huge bastard we complement each other.”

“Look, I don’t know what you want me to say here, dude.” Josh sighed sounding sincere in that moment.

Chris sighed as well. He didn't know what he wanted Josh to say either. Nothing seemed to be the way it should be! He’d told her how he felt about her or shown her. Point was she knew. He had gotten through the hardest part of all this. The rest was just supposed to fall into place for them. The way he planned it to. They would kiss then he’d take her out and she would have a wonderful time. She’d smile that ridiculous smile with all her teeth that made his heart melt then they’d be one of those couples people would say seemed so disgustingly happy and in love that it must be meant to be.

So far though the 2.0 version of their relationship amounted to kissing between subjects while they were studying, nightly flirting over the phone and- No wait that was it. Not to say things were bad. No way, kissing Ashley was almost euphoric. He could literally sit around all day and just kiss her and be content with that. Honestly it actually sounded like the best day ever. As far as their calls and texts were concerned things had never been more awesome. Her breathy little laughs whenever he said something that bordered on the territory of explicit sexy talk was better than any fantasy had prepared him for. The smirking cat emoji had never made his blood rush the way it did now with the contexts she liked to use it in.

It just wasn’t all that much. Their time in school had virtually not changed due to the atmosphere of mid-term exams and projects that was choking them and friendly not study centric hangouts had been shelved partially due to that and the hectic holiday season.

“I don’t get you,” Josh said shifting to sit on the floor with him, still sincere. “You’re together. That’s what you wanted.”

“Not like this though.”

“Like what then?”

Chris held his breath. Because the answer was ‘perfect.’

“I don’t know just not like this.” Chris threw his hands out, “Almost nothing is different.”

“Did you expect to be?”

“Of course!” Chris said it like Josh was dumb which wasn't fair, “We’re dating! Things should be better than ever!”

“And I just want to, I don’t know,” he added sadly, “I want to impress her. I don't want to be the same loser guy she's been doing homework with for three years.”

“You want to sweep her off her feet, huh?”

He knew Josh was at least half kidding but still, “Yeah I do. I really, really do.”

Josh gave a heavy breath, “Alright listen normally I wouldn't do this being as I'm not the type to involve myself in the affairs of others.”

Nothing could have stopped the huge, loud bursts of laughter that rocked Chris’ whole body. Josh punched his arm playfully.

“But,” Josh continued with a tone of mock annoyance, “Since it's you, I'll lay an idea on you.”

Chris was desperate enough that he’d listen to the advice Josh had to give out (within reason).

“Take her out for New Year's.”

Chris would admit he was expecting to roll his eyes at whatever Josh suggested but his best friend had literally presented him with an awesome answer.

It was a special occasion and one they hadn’t celebrated together (well outside of drunken parties with their friends). With Christmas lights and decorations still up all around town it would be beautiful out. They'd be spending the last day of the year together which was sweet in itself. Plus there were probably specials and celebrations all over town. They could go out and then ring in the New Year with their friends later that night. He’d get to kiss her at midnight too! 

It was perfect!

\---

Two weeks was understandable. With their exams and the holidays (Chris’ family did both Christmas and Hanukkah) it made sense that he hadn't brought it up. He probably wouldn’t have had the free time for it anyway. Those were the only reasons it didn’t come up despite the fact that they talked for at least a short time every night. He didn't have much to spare.

Their conversations had drifted back into their usual back and forths. She’d go on for thirty minutes about something she was currently obsessed with or he would or both. He’d tell a few jokes and she’d laugh. She’d ask his opinion on something over and over again due to anxiety. They’d do a quick check up on homework. ‘Do you need to meet up for help?’ Discussions about their friends, mostly Josh, were had. As well as their bad attempts at flirting, only now they weren’t hiding it.

_“Chris, why didn't you just let your stepdad change your mom's tires?”_

_“He wanted to take it to a shop and waste money. Why? I’ve been doing it for her since I was thirteen.”_

_“You hurt your shoulder though.”_

_“If you care so much why don't you come over and help me out with it?”_

_“I’m not rewarding you for being irresponsible.”_

_“Aw come on. I’ll do you too.”_

_“So what? You scratch my back and I scratch yours?”_

_“If you're into that, sure.”_

Despite this she felt less sure than ever Chris would be asking her out within the following days.

It was Christmas Eve day so maybe she was projecting too much but if he didn’t at least ask her out in the next few days what did that mean? Why was he seemingly so against the idea of taking her out on a real deal date? Shouldn’t he want to? After all he had been the one who kissed her.

“Hey there, girly girl.” She looked up from the donation box to see Matt above her. He dropped his hand on her head to ruffle her hair. She knocked it away and stood up to look him in the eye as she fixed her hair. He knew her dad would be upset if she showed up to midnight mass with messy hair.

“You’re late.”

“But I made it.”

“Matt, I have been here for twenty-five minutes! I had to set up all by myself.”

Ashley’s family and Matt’s family had been going to the same church since they were small children. Them, his brothers and her sister had all been in Sunday school together. The two of them hit it off and they’d remained friends since.

They had “volunteered” to man the hot cider and hot chocolate stand at the day long event for Christmas Eve their church through the last five years (“we’re putting the Christ back into Christmas!”). Including a performance by a local christian rock band, some simple games for the little kids, a short play about the Nativity story, time and space to mingle in the community room with baked treats and hot drinks (donations accepted!), a big tree lighting ceremony and of course four church services.

“I was busy helping Mel get ready. Honest!” Matt’s little sister, Melanie, was in the Nativity show. She was the angel. “She’s really excited.”

Ashley sat back in her chair, “Fine but you're on kitchen running duty. I’m not getting up unless I have to.”

Matt sat in the chair next to hers. He placed his hand on the side and leaned her way. He gazed at her with his sweet, innocent brown eyes. They were dressed far too nicely to be sitting behind a folding table serving drinks but not dressing well would have gotten them in trouble especially as event volunteers. Though it had hardly been a voluntary thing as their families were such invested members of the church Matt and Ashley along with all their siblings had no real choice in participating in these holiday events. Oh well at least they had each other.

“You okay?” he asked her between quick, polite nods at people who grabbed cups. “Merry Christmas. Enjoy. We’re accepting donations.”

“Yes. No.” Ashley sighed between her own nods and artificial smiles, “Merry Christmas. Please consider donating.”

“So which is it?” Matt asked his face concerned.

“It’s no. I’m not fine” Ashley tried to stay sitting up straight but she felt like slouching down and crumbling to the floor.

“Merry Christmas. We appreciate your donation.” Matt grabbed a cup for them both, cider for her and chocolate for him. “Well, what's got you down then?”

She took the cup from him and blew over the rim to cool it down. “Chris I guess.”

Matt made an ‘oh right’ face and then laughed a little. “Yeah I heard you guys are finally a thing.”

She felt that chill of doubt start to creep over her skin, “Yeah, we’re kind of seeing each other now.”

Matt went a little rigid next to her, “What’s that mean?”

“Things aren't exactly clear between him and me right now.” He blew over his own rim. She glanced away from him. “Merry Christmas. Enjoy. Thank you for your contribution.”

“What does not clear mean?” Matt asked as she took her first sip. She could feel more energy radiate off of him than was warranted.

“It just feels like maybe we aren't on the same page. Maybe we even want different things.”

Matt’s face went a little hard and she noticed him squeezing his drink dangerously tight considering the contents. She reached out for his arm to calm him down.

“No Matt, not like that,” she pet his bicep so he would relax, “Chris is not that guy. I promise he’s not leading me on or manipulating me or anything like that.”

“Okay, I trust you,” he said as she let go. He still looked a little tense and on edge. She decided to try and ignore that. “Merry Christmas. Please remember to donate. Enjoy.”

“It’s more we clearly like each other and he calls me all the time just to talk for a bit and we’ve kissed some.”

Matt’s face softened for a moment so he could do that same eyebrow wiggle Josh had done. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She felt a smile stretch across her face. “I mean we give each other quick kisses ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ in school between classes and we've kissed a few times while we were studying.”

She cleared throat when he gave her a suggestive and teasing look. 

“But he hasn't asked me out, Matt. Like on an actual date. I don't think we’ve called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend yet either. If we even are boyfriend and girlfriend that is. Maybe I’m overthinking all of this.”

“I don’t think you’re overthinking it.” Matt took a sip right after but based on his face it was somehow still pretty hot.

“It’s been almost two weeks. Shouldn't he have at least brought it up by now.”

“Why does he have to bring it up?” Matt reasoned before blowing on his hot chocolate again, “Why don't you just ask him out?”

“Because!” She huffed sitting back and drinking her hot cider more aggressively somehow. “Merry Christmas. We appreciate your donation. Enjoy.”

“Because what?” he rightfully asked.

“Because he kissed me! He’s the one who started this relationship. So it's his job to do it. He should be asking me out, not the other way around. He’s wooing me!”

“Woo-wha-?” Matt looked confused and Ashley rolled her eyes.

“Wooing, Matt. It means he’s the one trying to get me to date him.”

“Ah.” Matt took another drink that didn't seem to harm him, “But don’t you want to date him?”

“Of course,” she said after taking another sip from her own cup. “You know I’ve liked him for like over a year now.”

“Then why are you so set on this ‘he has to make every move’ thing?”

He was genuinely asking her. He was not the kind of guy who mocked people for things like this. Matt respected most worldviews and most opinions. He kept drinking his hot chocolate waiting for her to answer as she drank her hot cider. He just didn't get it though. She’d been waiting so long for this that she knew all the steps that needed to be taken. She knew what this courtship was meant to look like. She wanted it done the right way. 

“It’s just the way these things are done.”

\---

“New Year's Eve?” Ashley asked when he mentioned it over the phone two days after Christmas had passed.

“Yeah.” Chris sounded almost as if he was forcing himself to talk. “I figured we could hang out for a couple hours just you and me then we’ll head to Mike’s party before midnight to watch the ball drop with everybody.”

Ashley didn’t know what to say. He was finally asking her out. She had been afraid he was never going to ask and here he was, asking.

So why did she want to say ‘no?’

Probably because New Year's was such an odd choice. She couldn’t imagine too many people went out on New Year's for their first date as a couple. New Year's dates were usually just about not being alone for the big midnight kiss. It was a romantic time of year though.

“Unless you, uh, don't want to,” he added making her realize she had spaced out. His voice lost its energy. He seemed disappointed, thinking he had been rejected.

“I mean I get it,” he continued before she could correct him. She could kind of hear tears building in his voice, “Us dating has been weird.”

She lost whatever she was going to tell him. He thought them dating was weird? What gave him that impression? She knew he was just trying to act like her turning him down (which she wasn’t even doing) wasn't a big deal but that didn't change that he’d used the word “weird” to describe them.

“We really should just go back to being friends.” His voice grabbed her attention. “I guess I'll see you at Mike’s party then. So bye.”

“Chris, don’t hang up!” she yelled, “I want to go out with you!”

God, this was not how she pictured him asking her out.

She took a deep breath after and tried to force a flirty, less desperate tone into her voice, “I’d love to spend my New Year's Eve with you. It sounds romantic.”

“Well, I’d love to spend my New Year’s Eve making sure that your New Year’s Eve is romantic.” She could hear with his regained confidence his natural charm came through again.

She felt her face light up as she asked, “So what kind of date is this? I mean what should I wear?”

“Preferably nothing.”

Wow, that was… bold. Once more she was unable to respond. 

He cleared his throat after a long stretch of silence, “It was a joke. I was just teasing you.”

She nodded gently even though he couldn’t see it. _I’ll wear nothing but you have to promise you’ll keep me warm if I do._ She bit her lip to keep from saying it. Even for a flirty bit of fun that was a little much for her. Apparently she wasn’t as brave as Chris was.

“Anyway you can just wear what you were going to wear to Mike’s party. I doubt we'll be doing anything too fancy.”

Doubt?

“You don’t know what we're going to do?”

“Well.” He sounded caught off guard. “Not exactly. I haven't planned everything out yet. I mean I’ve planned stuff. I just don't have the whole night scheduled or anything like that.”

“Oh.” It was soft and sad.

“Don't worry. I said I didn't plan everything. I planned some things out already.”

“Oh good.” Her anxiety lingered. This shouldn’t be happening. The only anxiety she should have was the good kind. The ‘I hope my face isn’t red’ or ‘Is he going to kiss me at midnight?’ kind. Currently she was worried they might end up driving around for two hours only to give up and head to Mike’s place.

“Ash, really.” He was using his ‘trust me’ voice. The one he used whenever she was freaking out about something. He knew her well. “It's going to be a lot of fun.”

“I guess.”

“Hey look.” He’d managed to dig up that smug, dorky charm she liked so much, “Have I ever, ever, led you astray?”

“At least fifty percent of the time.”

“I meant just me,” he laughed, “Not me _and_ Josh.”

“Oh okay,” she giggled herself, “That’s much more reassuring!”

“Okay then.” He said it like that was everything she needed to hear. To be fair it kind of was. There was a calm silence where they just sat on the phone together.

“I have to go,” he finally sighed, “But I’ll pick you up like… six?”

“Sounds good.” She nodded again even though he still couldn't see it.

“Great.” Neither hung up sitting in another content silence.

“I'm-” He cut himself off and paused a moment, “I’m really excited, Ash.”

Her heart fluttered a little, “Me too.”

\---

Chris had been honest with Ashley. He was excited to take her out. Practically skipping everywhere he went excited. He wanted her to have the best time out. His wallet however not so much.

There were all kinds of events and dinners and concerts for New Year's Eve alright. They were all over town in fact. Which was fantastic. Less fantastic was the fact that doing even ONE of these things was out of his budget. Way out of his budget. Around forty dollars per person out of his budget.

Great. Well, the highway to hell was built with good intentions right? She would get it. She’d get why he cancelled their first date ever that she was so excited for and put it off while he came up with another idea as good as this one. Which he would never be able to do. Which basically meant that cancelling on this date was as good as “breaking up” with her.

He needed to make this happen. They had to do at least something but where was he going to get the literal hundreds of dollars he needed?

Chris had two options Josh or his step-father. 

The thing with Josh was he would, either intentionally or unintentionally, let it slip to Ashley he had paid for their first date. If anything it would become another way for him to tease Chris. He wouldn't mean to but he’d ruin it. 

So option two. 

Chris hadn’t exactly jumped for joy when his mother got married. Actually he’d been downright against the idea. Firstly because she’d been dating the guy for about six months before she married him and secondly he was Jess’ divorced father, Mitchell Riley. Essentially making them one big blended family that neither teen was very happy with.

As evidence by basically everything Jess owed, Mr. Riley was not a poor man. Quite the opposite in fact. Ever since his mother married the guy he’d bought Chris over a dozen things that he neither wanted nor needed in some attempt to win him over. Asking for money was going for be painful. It was giving in and giving him the impression he and Chris were “cool” with each other. Which they were not. Not even close.

He knocked as gently as possible to still be heard on Mr. Riley's home office door. Truthfully Chris wasn't even sure what the guy actually did. He did know he made bank though. That was what was important here. He needed to borrow money after all. Only borrow. Chris was going to pay him back just as soon as he could.

“Yes?” God he had such a “big business” voice.

“Hey Mister- uh Hey Mitchell, it's Chris. Are you busy?”

“Oh no, no.” There was the sound of shuffling paper. He had definitely been busy but was jumping at the chance to talk to his stepson. “Come on in, Chris.”

Chris took a deep breath and thought about Ashley. More specifically her smile and how big it was going to be midnight on New Year's Eve. He opened the door and walked in with a forced smile on his face. Focus on Ashley.

Mr. Riley was at his desk which made sense and he motioned to the chair on the other side. Cause that wasn't weirdly formal or anything. Chris sat down anyway and from the way the desk looked Mr. Riley had been very busy but wasn’t about to miss an opportunity to talk with Chris. His desperation for the two of them to bond made things so much worse. Chris felt like he was taking advantage of him which granted he pretty much was.

“So what's going on?” There was a pause as if he cut himself off. He had probably been about to call him son or something.

He imagined Ashley wearing green on their date. She owned a lot of green stuff. It was his favorite color. She looked really good in it too.

“I just kinda. Well, I need a favor.”

Mr. Riley motioned for him to keep going and Chris sighed.

“I need to borrow some money,” he admit looking at the bland ugly carpet.

“I see.” The older man said and at least he didn't sound upset. He sounded thoughtful more than anything else. “How much?”

He hoped she did her hair. But he also hoped she left it down. She looked good both ways. He’d seen her curl it once before and that would be really nice too.

“Around three hundred,” he said to be safe. He might have to negotiate this down to what he actually needed.

Mr. Riley's eyes grew wide, “That's quite a bit of money.”

“Yeah, I know.”

The man looked around quickly, almost as if checking if anyone could hear them. “Are you in trouble?”

“No,” Chris sighed.

He wondered if Ashley would wear high heels. She was shorter than him. A lot shorter. She'd look cute in heels so long as they weren’t too tall. It would make kissing her much easier.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“I won’t tell your mother if you’re in trouble. We can take care of this together.”

“No! I’m not in debt, I’m not in trouble and I’m not buying drugs!” Chris tried not to snap. He was the beggar here, he did not have the high ground. “I have important plans and I need some money. I’ll pay you back the second I can.”

Mr. Riley sighed and rubbed his eyes as if he was used to this back and forth. Knowing Jess he probably was. “Chris, I want to help you out with whatever you’ve got going on. I really do. But I can't give you hundreds of dollars without knowing what you’re going to do with it.”

Chris watched his foot as it dug into the rug. He thought about Ashley smiling up at him at the Washingtons’ party. The way she looked with her dreamy green eyes hazy and bright. She'd smile like that on New Year's too when he kissed at midnight. Except it would even bigger and even better and he’d love it a dozen times more.

He took a deep breath and still not looking at his stepfather he just openly admit (or rather reluctantly mumbled), “I have a date.”

“Heh.”

He didn't know what that noise meant. He looked at the older man slowly, ”I just want to take her somewhere nice.”

"Three hundred dollars is pretty nice.”

“It's only a loan. I’m gonna pay you back! Swear. I just don't have it right now. I'm spent from all the gift giving.”

Mr. Riley shook his head a little, “So am I, kid.”

Chris flinched at “kid” but tried to hide it.

“I can't give you that much for something so-” Whatever he was going to say, most likely something insulting, was lost. “I'm sorry.”

“It's cool.” Chris should not have counted on this. Though his stepfather made it sound like he would have given him the money had the holidays not just passed. He’d have to keep that in mind for the future. He hadn't gotten up and he could imagine how he looked by the way Mr. Riley was looking at him. The older man sighed again and sort of rolled his eyes before he leaned forward across his desk.

“Is it the redhead, uh,” He paused a moment then snapped his fingers. “Ashley?”

Chris felt his face light up and he tried not to answer but his head betrayed him by nodding. Mr. Riley copied the motion for a moment or two.

“Your mom says you really like her.” It wasn't a question this time. Still Chris felt himself nod and heard his inner monologue moan in annoyance at his mother.

His stepfather made a sound that was maybe a soft laugh. He shook his head again but this time he was smiling.

“I can do about half. Is that good?”

“Yeah!” Chris said that way too excitedly but he could work with only a hundred and some change. “I mean thanks. I appreciate it.”

Chris watched as Mr. Riley went into the lockbox under his desk. Mattress stuffer, figures, his mom was one too. He resurfaced with around a stack of bills he held out to Chris. He nearly hopped to his feet to grab it, afraid the guy was about to snatch it back.

“Thanks, Mis- uh Thanks, Mitchell,” he called back to his stepfather as he left money in hand, “Remember though I’m paying you back for it.”

He didn't want Mr. Riley to get the wrong idea. They still weren't cool.

Mitchell said nothing else as he pulled out his paperwork to get back to working. He was smiling a special kind of smile people in movies got sometimes. Chris was unfortunately reminded no matter what else this man did indeed love his mother.

\---

Chris really should’ve asked to borrow Mitchell’s car too or at least his mom’s car.

He loved his pick-up. It was a gift from his mom’s older brother and he had pretty much got it running on his own. Computers people expected Chris to be good at, cars though, that was a surprise to almost everyone.

Chris’ truck was old as it had been his uncle’s before it was his. So it wasn’t the nicest looking. The doors didn’t even match the rest of it. They were both red albeit noticeably different shades and the rest of it was dark grey. He hadn’t thought to clean out the bed until the moment he was standing in his driveway looking at it. He was picking Ashley up in an hour. The drive to her place was forty-five minutes. So whatever he and she and Josh and his mom and even Jess had left in it was still there. Nothing all that valuable, mostly just junk people forgot they left behind. Had he even remembered to wash it? Judging by the state of the tires, no he hadn’t.

He wasn’t going to look even remotely charming in this stupid thing (that wasn’t stupid cause he loved his disgusting gas-guzzler). Ashley was going to look far too pretty to be riding in it and by extension being with him. It was going to look embarrassing no matter where they were going.

As he wasn’t going to Mike’s place right away Jess had taken Mitchell’s car there. Their parents had taken his mom’s car to whatever party they were going to. So at that point Chris didn’t even have another option. This was going to have to do. This was fine though. It was just a truck. This didn’t matter. Not at all.

If he hurried he could take everything out of the back before he left.

\---

Chris said six. He later confirmed six during a following conversation. He texted back six that morning when she texted him to make sure. So he was coming at six. But it would be ridiculous to expect him at exactly six.

So the fact that Ashley had checked her phone ten times and it was currently three minutes after six was devoid of logic. She forced herself not to look out the windows or text him anymore. He said six so he’d be there at six. He was coming at six.

Unless she was supposed to meet him somewhere at six? No he said he was coming to get her. Right? No, he had. He was picking her up because that’s how these things went. He picked her up at home and took her out for the night and then he brought her home. He walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight.

Well, no that last part wasn’t happening. They’d probably sleep at Mike’s tonight. Together? They usually did at overnight parties. Mostly cause all of their other friends wanted to have sex. Was that inappropriate now? For her and Chris to sleep in the same bed? Even though it hadn’t been up until then. Why was them sharing a bed as friends not inappropriate but sharing one as a couple was?

Suddenly her phone buzzed in her hand. Nine minutes after six. She had a text. Her heart stopped. It was from Chris. Her mind raced before she could even look at it. _‘I can’t come tonight.’ ‘Ash, where are you?’ ‘You actually thought I wanted to date you?! ‘I don’t want to go out with you anymore.’_ She took a deep breath and opened it. 

_Running late. Sorry._

She felt herself relax a little. He was coming. He was on his way. On his way to pick her up for their very first date. This was good. This was going to be good. She looked herself over in her stand-up mirror. Chris had told her to wear whatever so of course she’d raided Nat’s closet again. She had been upset until Ashley asked for her original copy of _Lolita_ back which Natasha had only borrowed for a class. She shut up after that.

Natasha was less, for lack of a better word, prudish than her younger sister when it came to her clothing choices. She was also a lot more stylish. She owned a lot less colorful leggings and big sweaters and knit caps. She dressed like an actual adolescent girl rather than a cat lady in her forties, like Ashley did. Ashley looked herself up and down. God she hated it. She wanted to look appealing but she also wasn't comfortable and an afternoon of studying was one thing, a whole night was another.

She slammed her phone on her dresser. She was done being stupid about this. She had cute things to wear. She could look super cute and still look like Ashley. Who was exactly who Chris liked. Her. Not her sister. 

“Nat!” she yelled already digging through her closet.

“What?” She heard her sister yell back from down the hall.

“I’m waiting for someone so watch the door, please!”

“Whatever.” That was probably an agreement on her part.

She pull out a nice yellow sleeveless dress with a white belt which it was too cold to wear alone but she paired it with a light grey denim jacket. She dug through her drawers looking for a pair of long stockings (because that was festive and cute). She found off-white ones, patterned with sparkles so it looked almost like snow. Those would go well.

Short on time she struggled to get her sister's clothes off and her own on at the same time which led to her hoping around her room halfway dressed and halfway not dressed. She slipped at one point and tripped on her bed tangled in the shirt she was removing. She landed on her back on the floor but she'd managed to get outfit one completely off. Next step was to get the rest of outfit two on. Then fix herself up again after.

Ashley sat back up. She brushed her now messed up hair from her face with her hands only for it to reveal her sister standing in her doorway… with Chris. He was extremely red and looking at the ceiling as if it was the first placed he’d moved his eyes and he didn't want to even dare try moving them again. It was a polite action on his part considering Ashley was sitting on her carpet in her stockings, panties and camisole.

“Chris is here,” Natasha told her unnecessarily. Ashley glared up at her sister curing her body like she was trying to hide. 

Chris managed to seamlessly shift his gaze to the floor. His jabbed his thumb behind him already walking away. “I’m gonna go wait by the front door."

This was not what Ashley meant when she hoped maybe Chris would eventually see her in her underwear.

\---

“So,” Chris stretched the word out as they walked to his pickup truck. Ashley once more ready to go out. ”I thought I told you I was just teasing you about wearing nothing. Though I guess it was nice of you to take it into consideration.” 

She felt herself smile through the intense flame of embarrassment on her face. He was trying to make things less awkward by goofing around. “Well this night is about us not just me. What you want matters. I want you to enjoy yourself too.”

“Oh I did. Far as I’m concerned this date can be over now.”

“Chris!” She shoved him playfully and he let himself be knocked away before he swayed back in close to grab her hand. She felt warm and safe. Chris was good at making people feel comfortable in most situations.

“My fault really though,” he continued walking hand in hand with her, “Silly me for thinking when you tell a girl six it means six when clearly all the stereotypical chick flicks have taught me six for girls actually means seven. I have obviously not trained well enough for this day.”

“It’s okay.” She pet his arm as if soothing him (and also cause she wanted to touch him). “I have a feeling you’ll have plenty more chances to test your finely honed dating skills.”

“I hope so.” He opened the door for her because he was a gentleman like that. “Cause I haven’t even gotten to show you off yet.”

Ashley rolled her eyes at him with an annoyed sigh but then he stepped into her personal space and her whole demeanor stiffened. He stared down at her for a long moment. He squeezed her hand still in his. He smiled widely as if something amazing just happened. He grabbed her shoulder with his other hand to pull her closer to him.

“I almost forgot,” he basically whispered.

“Forgot what?” It was equally as quiet.

Then his mouth was on hers. There was a slight shock and they both pulled back a little. He giggled then recaptured her lips with his own. She was smart enough to know it was probably static shock. However she let her romantic heart believe it was a spark of attraction. Just like at the Christmas party he pulled away to take a breath with his eyes still closed.

“You look really pretty,” he said after he opened them and stepped back.

“You do too. I mean not pretty, pretty is for girls."

Chris scoffed, “Says you. I am a very pretty man.”

She laughed as he helped her into her seat. Pretty was not the word she would use to describe Chris. Absolutely adorable? Impishly charming and endearing? Mature and put together but still laid back and approachable? Incredibly passionate therefore making him incredibly sexy as well? Yeah those were the words she’d use.

He did look nice though. He wore a green sweater and a yellow button-up with light grey jeans and so they matched. It was like they were a pair or a set. It was like they were a couple. And they were. They were a couple. A couple going out on their first date together.

Ashley was pulled from her thoughts by the slamming of Chris’ door. He smiled her way before he started the truck and headed out onto the road. It jerked and she heard a noise from the engine that couldn’t be good. Chris looked like he was listening after that, a thoughtful look on his face. She knew not to say anything when Chris was listening for engine trouble. He’d just snap at her to be quiet if she tried.

If she disliked anything about Chris, it was his devotion to his stupid pickup truck. Ashley hated Chris’ truck. It was mismatched and loud and she was so short she needed help both getting in and getting out. (That did have the benefit of Chris having to hold her hand or even hold her waist as he assisted her but more than anything it was infantilizing.) Maybe it was too much to hope he would borrow his mom’s car for tonight even with how bad the pickup was on gas. Chris loved this piece of shit.

“Hopefully that's not something we have to worry about tonight.”

“Are we going far?” she asked trying to get his attention. (Why was she fighting for his attention? She should have his attention already. They were on a date.)

“Nah,” Chris said with a shake of his head, “I didn't want to be too out of the way so we could head to Mike's place whenever we wanted.” 

"Clever.” She twisted in her seat, flipping her braid back when it swung over her shoulder. (Nat had helped her braid her hair nicely again after it fell out during her mad dash to change, apologizing the entire time.)

“So where are we going?”

“We're going to the mini-golf course over by Sam’s place. The one she, Hannah and Beth go to all the time.”

“We're going to play mini-golf?” She wished her heart hadn't dulled as much as it had after she asked it. There was nothing wrong with that.

“Yeah,” he answered with a huge smirk. Okay wait.

“What are you hiding?” she demanded. 

“Nothing.”

“Chris.”

“What is with you?” He heaved out a breath of mock frustration, “Why do you always assume I’m deceiving you? Can't a spade just be a spade?”

“No.” Excitement built back up inside of her. She should have guessed there was more to this. This was Chris after all.

“Why not?”

“Cause you cheat at cards.”

“One time!” He laughed with mock anger.

“Still cheating.”

“Okay,” Ashley bit her lip as Chris launched into his defense of his actions two years ago during the card game in question. She’d heard it about four times but she liked the way he waved his hand around and the expressions he made when he told certain stories.

It wasn't new but it was Chris and that's all that mattered.

\---

Ashley was more than a little shocked at just how pretty it looked. Apparently the lighting and decor could make anywhere look good. Including a mini-golf course. She realized soon as they were in the door this wasn't about mini-golf. No, Chris had found the place in the area that most looked like a classic Christmas town and wanted to take her there. He must have found the best place too. It was like a fairy tale. They were just playing mini-golf cause that's what they had to do to spend time there.

Chris really was clever.

It didn't snow in L.A. so there weren't exactly any winter wonderlands to visit. Some places did the best with what they had. It seemed like whatever this place had was nice. It felt like walking into a snow globe albeit before it was shaken up. Each hole had been redecorated to make it fit in more with the season. There was now a sleigh with reindeer, a giant snowman, a gingerbread house and a candy cane bridge. They had been redecorated well too. If she didn't know better she'd think this place was just Christmas themed. They’d used lights to turn one hole display into a giant dreidel. She laughed when they got to it and she saw. It was so terribly out of place and such a cliche choice. Chris playfully poked her with his golf club.

“Don’t mock my proud heritage.”

“Chris, you don’t even go to synagogue.”

“Pssh when was the last time you went to church?”

“I went to mass this three days ago,” she said with a chuckle, “And on Christmas.”

“Right,” he said as if he just remembered something then he smirked like a devil, “Good little Catholic girl.”

The implication had been put there on purpose this time and she knew he was bold since they got together but he wasn’t that bold.

“What does that mean?” she asked as she stood from placing her ball.

Chris shrugged and looked away with a small smile, “Well do good Catholic girls normally date Jewish boys?”

“I don’t think that matters.” Ashley prepared to take her shot.

“Does your dad know I’m Jewish then?”

Ashley did fumble at that. He didn’t. But that was only because it had never come up in conversation not because she was afraid to tell her dad. Chris stood there smiling like he knew she’d been caught in his trap. Granted she sort of had been. Frustrated she huffed and looked away. She caught sight of another couple a few holes over. They were older than her and Chris but also clearly in the beginning stages of a relationship. She noticed the man put his arm around the woman and point ahead of them as he whispered to her. Ashley bounced on her feet a moment as she watched the girl giggle in his arms.

“Aren't you gonna try to give me tips on how to play?” she asked turning to face Chris again. He looked taken aback.

“What do you mean?” he asked swinging his club clumsily in his hand and almost dropping it.

“You know, like,” Ashley continued, “Show me how to hit the ball or something?”

“Why would I do that?” he asked as if she had lost her mind, “You are straight up kicking my ass. Apparently I suck at this.”

She laughed because he did. He hadn't gotten a single ball in. They kept moving on because eventually other people who wanted to play showed up at the hole and they had to move on to the next one to let them play. She also knew that when guys took girls to sporting games like this they put their arms around them and 'showed them how to do it right.'

“So you aren't going to hold my hand and teach me something?” she asked in a teasing voice. She was starting to feel insulted that he hadn't even attempted anything like it at this point. That’s what guys did. He should be making an effort to woo her here, right?

“I mean it won't help you,” Chris reasoned as he lay his club on the ground and walked over to her, “But if that's what you want me do then I guess I can try it.”

Uh oh. She hadn’t thought this all the way through and now Chris was standing next to her probably closer than he ever had been before and had he somehow gotten taller? He was blushing a very deep red as he reached around her and placed his hand over hers that was gripping the club. She shifted back into her starting stance. Now though he was behind her. There was no way they hadn't ever been this close together. Not after all the years they’d known each other. However she felt like that couldn’t be possible. She'd never felt like this before. He grabbed her other hand with his free one so they could grip her club together. Her hands virtually disappeared under his and her slim arms contrasted sharply against his thick forearms. His front completely covered her back. 

Wow, Chris was big. 

He could probably shield her from anything wanting to cause her harm. She could feel his breath on her neck and it was heavy and hot. Every time he breathed his chest pushed into her back. He was breathing a lot from being nervous. His hands shook a little and she liked that he was even more unsure about it then she was. He was her very literal gentle giant. It made her feel more confident. It made her feel in control. It made her feel safe.

“I don't really know what to say,” he admit so close to her ear it sounded like gentle shouting if that was possible, “I don't know how to play this game at all. So I guess we just hit the ball now.”

She wasn't really listening anymore. She was looking at him as he pulled their bodies back getting ready to swing. He watched the ball down at their feet while she watched him. His firm long face, his full pouty kissable lips and his soft icy blue eyes. Chris was better looking than most people seemed to think. In fact Ashley would go as far to say he _was_ pretty… pretty hot.

He swung them far too hard and her ball went flying. That caught her attention. She turned to see it smack into something over by the next hole and then bounce back over towards them almost hitting the people behind them before it landed in the water under the previous hole. 

He smiled sheepishly at her. “I told you I sucked at this game.”

\---

“That was fun,” Chris said as he led Ashley back to his pickup truck. He wanted to hold her hand but was far too scared or ashamed or both. He hadn't touched her at all since hole fourteen. The hole where he’d evidently been failing so hard at impressing her that she had to ask him to make a move on her. (What was he supposed to do other than what she asked him to when she did?) The hole where her body had basically been tucked inside of his for a good twenty-five seconds and they had touched in a lot of places they never had before.

The fuck was this? Things weren't supposed to be- Why was this all so awkward? He’d blame it on him being thrown off by seeing her… when he got to her place but he felt like they had moved passed that. Moved passed into 'weird kinda both intentional and unintentional groping in public.’

It was one of the only times he was actually thankful to have been born without a particular body part. Because things had been awkward enough without having _that_ between them.

“It was beautiful, Chris. Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he said slowing down their pace, “I mean I wanted to do it.”

She smiled and fiddled with her braid. “I know, silly.”

She was making no efforts to touch him either. The one time he had wandered her way by chance she’d shifted herself over. She didn’t seem to want them to touch again. Same as him.

Was it for the same reason though?

He knew why he didn’t want to touch her. Whatever went down in there between them was intense. He wasn’t prepared for things to be this difficult. He didn’t think they would revert back into the place where even holding hands felt like a big deal. They had been kissing for weeks why would he think touching hands was ever going to be hard again? How had he messed things up bad enough that it felt like this again? It was never supposed to feel _this_ again.

“So where are we going now?” she asked when they got to his pickup. She looked so tiny next to it, almost like a delicate little doll. She looked soft and sweet in her little yellow dress and white and tan boots. Her braid made her look younger in some ways and older in others. He wanted to tuck her away somewhere and keep her safe forever. At the same time though he wanted the whole world to see how pretty she was and how lucky he was to have her.

“I was thinking food,” he said opening her door again. He had to help her up into her seat. All that time spent avoiding contact only made that fact stand out more. Why did everything feel like it held so much meaning? He’d helped her into the truck literally dozens of times and every time he did he’d put his hands on her. His stupid, hormonal, teenage mind had gotten giddy about it an embarrassingly high number of times too.

She blushed as he held his hand out to her. She took it and he pulled her a little closer before he placed a hand on the small of her back to half lift her up into his far too big for her truck. She held his hand a moment longer than she needed to after she was settled. He wasn’t sure if he forced himself to do it or if he couldn't stop himself from doing it. Either way he pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed her fingers softly. Ashley seemed to hold her breath until he released her. Then she held her kissed hand in her other. 

No. It wasn’t like _this_. Because _this_ had never felt like this.

She waited until he’d shut her door and walked around to his own before she continued the conversation. “Finally food! Gah, Christopher what kind of date doesn’t start with eating?”

He shook his head and turned on his radio before they were off again. She waited all of seven seconds before she grabbed his ipod and started shuffling through it to change the music. He rolled his eyes even though she couldn’t see. She didn’t look at him as she asked, “So where are we feasting, tonight?”

“You know that sushi place down by the docks?”

“Yeah?”

“Not there.”

She gave that frustrated sigh that really meant she wasn’t frustrated. She liked to be teased even if she didn’t admit it.

“It doesn’t have to be a secret you know?”

That sounded more serious than he expected it to.

He glanced her way, “I mean I guess not. But isn’t the surprise fun?”

She shrugged, “Well, yeah I guess. But food is something I’d rather know what I’m getting myself into.”

That did not sound reassuring in the least. What was he supposed to do here? He’d planned on surprising her as to where they were going but she didn’t seem into that. She was probably anxious about what she was going to eat at dinner so she wanted to prepare. Ashley took forever to order too. She’d probably need this time to think of what she wanted. Normally anyway. That was not the case this time around. But even saying that would give it away so he might as well tell her.

“So remember that place I went to with your family?”

“Which place?”

“The one you and your dad like over by his job but almost never go to anymore?”

“Oh my god, Chris!” She literally awed in what he hoped was meant to be a good, not patronizing way, “That’s so sweet.”

She shook her head, “But the reason we don’t go is because,” she paused, “Chris, I can’t afford to eat there.”

‘Yeah, neither can I.’

“Well, you’re not paying,” Chris reminded her, “I am. It’s a date.”

He’d seriously lucked out with the mini-golf thing. It had still been a little rich for his blood considering he’d basically paid for them to walk around a building and look at pretty lights for about two hours. The way her eyes had lit up was well worth it though. Everything had been perfect up until hole fourteen. Even then hole fourteen was not bad so much as it was possibly too good.

Too many things meant too much now.

“I'm not letting you buy me dinner.” She said it like the idea was ridiculous instead of exactly what guys did.

“Well, you don't really have a choice.” He tried to keep his voice friendly even though he was annoyed. Did she want him to take her out or not?

“Yes, I do.” That was very serious.

“Of course you do. I was just saying-”

“Saying what?” she almost snapped at him. Why was she upset all of a sudden?

“Saying that this is a date. That I'm taking you out.” He should not have to explain this. “Asker pays.”

“Oh.” Her voice was soft, “I kinda thought we were going to split it. You pay for one thing and then me another thing or we go half and half.”

“Why would I invite you out and then make you pay?”

“Well, because we always-” She cut herself off. 

'Because we always do that.’

Things hung heavy in the air. They did usually do just that but that was different. That highlighted how much this night stood out from those. This one wasn't like all those other times. This was a different thing. This was a date and had its own rules of etiquette. Rules that dictated asker pays.

She had gone still hands gripping the seat under her. He understood how she felt. Things between them always seemed to be either far too different than before or not different enough. It didn't exactly give either of them the most stable ground to stand on.

Cracking his fingers (which unfortunately he knew she hated) he reached out to grab her closer hand and interlaced his fingers with hers. Different wasn't bad. Not different also wasn't bad. So whichever this was didn't matter. It wasn't bad. Things weren’t bad.

“Let's meet in the middle,” he offered cursing himself already for what he was about to say, “I pay but you get to pick where we go?”

That was almost painful to say. He’d called ahead at the other place. They had a table at the other place because that's what you did. You didn't drive around and guess and debate about it. Not on a night like tonight. But this night was about having fun together and he wanted to make Ashley happy.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Go ahead. Cheap as you want.”

“Then I want to go to the place with jars on all the tables and the decorations hanging from the ceiling. You know the one.”

“It’s called Ambiance, Ash,” he laughed figuring she meant the place where each table had a mason jar filled marbles in the center most with a particular theme like the beach or cosmos or something. The decorations looked more like junk to him though Ashley found them lovely. For how much she liked it he could not believe how often she forgot the name. He should have guessed that's where she would pick. She always picked there.

Heh. She always picked there.

“Don't you want to go somewhere a little more special?”

“Special?” She tilted her head to the side a little bit.

“Well yeah, since it's you know a date.” Why did it feel like he kept having to remind her of that fact. They weren't just hanging out, this was a date.

“Oh yeah,” she sighed sadly, “I guess I should try to think of something better.”

Better? Oh no. No. Wrong word. Not what he meant.

“No, no Ash.” He squeezed her hand tightly almost like he was afraid she was going to let go and he would have lost her and this and them forever. “I don't think your pick is bad! I just- I just want you to know that we can go anywhere. But if that's what you really want to go then that's where we’ll go.”

She looked over at him and he hated that he had to watch the road so couldn't focus too much on her face at the moment.

“I want you to be happy. That's what this is all about.”

“I want you to be happy too.”

“Well going where you would be happy would make me happy.”

She giggled, “But what if what would make me happy is going where you would be happy?”

“Then I think we're stuck in an infinite loop and will have to relive this day until the end of time.”

“Bummer.”

“I know.”

“At least we're together. It’ll make our repeating eternity a little more bearable.”

“Happy to hear things with me are at least bearable.”

She let out that noise again. The one that told him she was pretending to be annoyed with him. Good. He liked that noise. It meant she was having fun.

\---

“Archie eenie?”

“Arancini.”

“Are ya chiny?”

“Arancini.”

“Orange tini? Shaken not stirred?”

“Okay, you’re doing this on purpose.”

Chris absolutely was. He laughed loudly accidentally yanking Ashley around with him as he did since her arm was looped with his. She was easily knocked off balance being so small and he felt bad. About that anyway, not about teasing her.

Over an hour wait aside this had been really fun. Ashley had spent said hour explaining what every new trinket in the cluttered tiny building was then if she knew the origins of it, what it did, where it was from and whether it had cultural significance and if so how and why. She did that every time they went. Why did she know so many random bits of knowledge like that? Writers, man.

He hoped there wasn't going to be a quiz later.

“Look Ash,” he said once he regained composure, “I’m not as good with the words as you are. And I only speak one language.”

“So do I!”

“No,” he insisted as once more they made the trek to his truck, “You speak both remedial English like the rest of us peasants and, you know, actual English too.”

“Technically Arancini is Italian as it's an italian dish.”

“See? So you speak Italian,” he said waving his hand at her as if in presentation. Then he quirked his eyebrow up and leaned closer to her. “Actually that's hot.”

“Ugh, I hate you.”

“Really? You sure do kiss me a lot for someone who hates me.”

“That’s because it keeps you from talking.”

“I see,” he said stopping when they were back at the passenger door of his truck and letting her go, “However there is a flaw in your logic here.”

She leaned up towards him almost pressing their bodies together and he stepped back unconsciously. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted a repeat of what in his head had become known as ‘hole fourteen.’ That was a scary feeling. He’d thought they were done with scary feelings.

“What’s that?” she almost whispered giving him a look as if challenging him.

He smiled and leaned towards her too as he whispered back, “Because now I’m just going to talk more so I can trick you into kissing me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Both of them had barely gotten the word out before they were kissing. 

They didn’t ever get to kiss properly like this. They had kissed a lot over the last few weeks but they were quick and chaste. They never got to indulge in kissing. They never got to kiss slow and soft. To fully get to feel it, taste it and enjoy it. Eventually her hands slid up onto his biceps. Worried about putting his hands anywhere else he grabbed her biceps as well. It felt like he was pulling her up and she was pulling him down at the same time. Which was silly of them both to be doing but that only made it more sweet.

Her hands shifted up onto his shoulders which momentarily unnerved him before he shifted his own to her waist and pulled her in close. He wondered as his back hit the side of his truck if he had leaned back or if she’d pushed him. But then he didn’t actually care. Ashley was tucked into his chest again only this time there was kissing. That clarified what the intensity of hole fourteen had meant. They probably looked like the grossest and most cliche teenage couple ever, making out in public against his truck door. Honestly he’d expected both Ashley and himself to be more uncomfortable with PDA but then he also hadn’t expected kissing Ashley to be just as _awesome_ as it was.

Ashley had that look on her face when they finally separated. The one where her eyes glazed over and went out of focus. The one where she looked so relaxed and content with everything. His mouth was wet and he could see hers was too which only made him want to kiss her again. She stepped back and her face glowed red. Her nose twitched a tiny bit. How could someone be so cute without trying? Unless she was trying. In which case she was a professional at being cute.

“We probably shouldn’t kiss like that where people can see us?” he said after he’d cleared his throat and stood up straight. She nodded, “So I think we should make out at Mike’s party.”

“What?” she kind of laughed and that’s when he registered his freudian slip

“I meant to say make our expected appearance at Mike’s party.” He said it quickly as he moved from off of the door to open it. “Though I guess we could also make out but I think some of our friends may be uncomfortable with that.”

“I doubt it. In fact I’ll bet you ten bucks both Jess and Josh have made out with maybe four different people by now, including each other.”

“Yeah and I’ll bet you twenty the sky is blue tomorrow.”

She put her hand on his shoulder to leverage her way up when he helped her into her seat this time bringing her face close to his. From the way she smiled she had definitely done it on purpose. He certainly hadn’t hated it.

\---

“Yay! Chris is here!” Hannah cried the second he and Ashley entered the house. She raced up to him through the thick crowd and half-tackled him, “Where have you been?”

So Hannah was drunk. He didn’t even want to know what had distracted Beth enough for her to lose track of her sister. Chris cleared his throat and motioned to Ashley with his head. Hannah squinted at him a moment and then at her before realization came over her face, “Right!”

She turned quickly and shouted, “Guys! Chris and Ashley are here. They’re done with their date!”

“Alright!” That was Josh from… somewhere.

Chris pried Hannah off and turned to see Ashley stuck in her own tight embrace. Only her hugger was Matt who had physically lifted her up into the air. She was giggling as she kicked her legs and he crushed her in his arms swaying them back and forth. They almost fell when he plopped her back down. Matt was very drunk too it seemed from how much he laughed. Matt and Hannah were affectionate and giddy drunks.

Chris couldn’t tell if he was more or less jealous of how close Matt and Ashley were now that they were dating. He knew nothing was going on with them but also looking at the guy… It was sometimes hard to accept the idea that Ashley wasn’t into Matt.

Chris couldn’t think on it too much longer as soon he was being crushed in the football player’s arms. His girth was the only thing that kept him on the ground even though he felt pretty sure Matt could still have lifted him. Hannah ducked around the guys to hug Josh who’d appeared from wherever he had been to hug Ashley ‘hello.’ So now his friend had an arm around each girl. Ashley looked like she was desperate but unable to escape Josh and Hannah after about thirty seconds of contact and he wanted to intervene but there was no way he was getting out of Matt’s vice grip. 

It was noisy as all of them talked at once. ‘Did you have fun?’ ‘Tell me he at least tried to make a move.’ ‘Was it romantic? I bet it was romantic!’ The three of them were acting more like they had just said they were engaged not coming back from their first date. God, was this how all of their friends were going to react?

Chris took a deep breath when Matt finally let him go. Similarly he saw Ashley fall back against the wall when she pushed away from two of the Washington siblings. They drifted next to each other again. They locked eyes. Chris felt himself mouth, ‘Wow’ to which she nodded.

“Oh hey, Sam.” They heard Hannah call, “Ashley and Chris are here.”

‘Oh no, not more.’

Ashley grabbed his hand all of a sudden, “Hey, I think I left my bag in the truck. Can we go check?”

“Yes.” He said it like a man being asked if he wanted to leave prison. He opened the door behind him and pulled her back outside with him away from the party and more importantly away from their annoyingly supportive, overly loving friends. Once outside though he pulled her along to the far side of the porch not out to his truck. She sat up on the railing and he leaned on it next to her.

“Oh my god,” she laughed.

“Yeah, that was crazy.”

“You’d think they hadn’t seen us in years.”

“Or that we just told them we won the nobel peace prize.”

“Par for the course as the sober friends at the party.”

“I wouldn’t know,” he said with a smile, “I’ve never been that guy.”

“You do like your booze.” She nodded thoughtfully.

“I do.”

“Drunk.”

“I prefer good drinking buddy.”

“I prefer drunk.”

“Well I’d prefer being drunk right now too.”

Ashley blushed, “Sorry I kept you from it then.”

She was kidding but she still sounded sad. He slid down the railing until he was next to her. Once more their legs barely touching. He leaned forward to look right in her face and smile at her, “You know that I wanted to go out with you tonight a lot more than I wanted to stay here getting drunk with Mike and Josh, right?”

“I figured or you wouldn’t have asked me.” She looked away from him and she bit her lip, “You still feel that way?”

“Yeah,” he assured her, “Tonight was nice.”

“Nice?” she asked with a lot of insecurity in her voice and he felt his body stiffen. It wasn’t the best word either but it was the first one that came to mind. It had been really nice to go out with Ashley. He’d had a great time with her and from the way she’d been smiling all night he felt like he’d sufficiently impressed her like he wanted to.

“Yeah.” Yet the best word he could think to describe it was, “Nice.”

She looked defeated. He couldn’t blame her. If she was the one who said their date had been nice it would have broken his heart. Nice? Just nice? But that’s what it had been. That was how he felt. But not the way he would have taken it if she said it and the way he knew she was taking it now.

“I mean.” He paused, “I don’t know how to put this Ashley.”

Now she looked crushed. Fuck, bad choice of words there buddy.

“No, no Ash,” he hurried to reassure her again, “This is good. What I have to say is good. I just don’t know how to say it.”

She crossed her arms and waited. He took a deep breath.

“Tonight was weird,” he finally settled on, “It was really weird and really scary and really awkward and not what I thought it was going to be. None of this has really been the way I thought it was going to be honestly.”

He grabbed her hand as her face fell after he said it but he didn’t let it get any worse before he finished with, “And that's great.”

She smiled widely.

“I kinda wanted it to be perfect and it wasn’t.” He confessed because it was true. “But I was afraid it would be a nightmare and it wasn’t.”

“It was nice,” she teased and he smiled gripping the railing to flip over to stand right in front of her.

“It was nice.” He leaned forward until his forehead was touching hers. It wasn’t fitting into place. It wasn’t perfect. Things were still scary and awkward. The hard part was far from over. But it was nice. Him and Ashley together. It was nice.

It felt like that was how it was supposed to be.

He’d leaned in to kiss her when he heard the counting inside the house. He pulled back and looked at the nearest window. Ashley did too. It was midnight. Or rather it was almost midnight. It was time for the big New Year's kiss. For once he actually had someone to share it with. He didn’t have to hide or chug a beer to feel less awkward. He was supposed to kiss her now. When the crowd said one he would kiss her. The chanting got louder as the numbers got lower. Seven, six, five, four, three, two…

“Ashley, will you be my girlfriend?” He didn’t kiss her. It was a stupid move on his part because she couldn’t answer with all the cheering and music and celebrating. He isn’t sure what possessed him to ask her. But kissing her at midnight wasn’t going to be enough for him. He needed to do something more. So he needed to do this.

“What?” she asked loudly to be heard as the people continued welcome the new year all around them.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” he repeated, “Like officially?”

“What?” she asked it a lot softer this time.

“Tonight was nice. Being with you is nice. I think having you be my girlfriend would also be nice.”

Her face looked like it could melt off from how warm and soft and dreamy it was. Her eyes were bright and glazed and out of focus. Her mouth hung open in both shock and he hoped joy. Her nose was twitching again. Her breaths came out in the cutest little pants and she seemed unable to form words.

It was almost too much.

“So Ash, what do you say? Wanna go steady?” he teased as things calmed down (comparatively). She laughed and he added, “You should really say yes. If for no other reason than I’ve seen you in your underwear so you might go to hell if you turn me down.”

She shoved him but she was laughing, “Do you have to ruin absolutely everything?”

He stayed silent and waited. She shook her head, grabbed the front of his sweater and pulled him closer until they were face to face maybe an inch apart. She smelled like tea and strawberries and something that could only be described as Ashley.

“Yes,” she whispered. Then for the first time in the new year something happened that Chris hoped would continue to happen many, many more times over and knew he would never get tired of.

Ashley kissed Chris.

The lights dim. The projector flickers to life. The opening music swells. A title card stretches across the screen as the story begins.


End file.
